Why Do I Write?

I’ve been here before.  In fact, about once a year (at least), I feel compelled to write about some variation on the theme of what I’m trying to accomplish with Warp & Woof. I suspect the reason I keep revisiting the topic is that I have serious difficulties understanding my true motivations for writing. All these introspective posts fall into the broad categories of a) self-gratification, b) teaching, c) morality and life direction, or d) understanding and questioning — maybe some combination of those categories. They all fit on the page I call “The Present,” since they tend toward the experiential, psychological, philosophical.

I do not seek to persuade, or incite, my hypothetical readers. I still can’t say I know who those readers might be (Warp & Woof has 26 subscribers; Medium has seven followers of William Sundwick, Warp & Woof). It’s likely that both WordPress blog subscribers and those followers on Medium are either bots or mistakes. These stats pretty much negate any pretense toward “teaching” as a goal of my writing, so all those Wikipedia links supporting my research are probably pointless, except for enlightening writers’ group members – and I’m not currently enrolled in any such group. Still, I’ve noticed similar links in the writing of some others I see on Medium. (Are they experiencing the same self-questioning I am?)

Things I think about, and read about, satisfy that category of “morality and life direction” as well as deeper understanding by asking the right questions – probably constituting the bulk of the contents of the “The Past” and “The Future” pages in addition to “The Present.” My “self-gratification” category means personal memories, nostalgia for youth, and emotions stirred by such things as my favorite pop music (“Beats” page) — or images on my screensaver slide show flashing by me, all from my library of memorable, or outrageous, automobiles stored in the cloud (over 20,000 images). Musing about the state of the auto industry, including the future of EVs, does appear on my “Totems” page – but still qualifies as nostalgia and self-gratification due to my childhood association with General Motors and Flint, Michigan in its heyday.

I’ve written previously about the therapeutic nature of my posts. I believe my observation that the quality of my writing has not improved markedly since Warp & Woof ‘s inception is a testament to that self-gratification motive – not that those writers’ groups necessarily failed in their mission. Understandably, the therapeutic aspect for me does not contribute to broad readership engagement! Unless, that is, the reader can relate to similar experience in their own lives. But how much I know about my potential readers’ lives seems a lot like speculating on intelligent life elsewhere in the universe – statistically probable, but why would they be interested in us? So, we’re likely consigned to life alone – unique in the universe, as far as we can ever know.

I often feel consigned to life alone in a similar vein. Since the people I’m closest to – family and friends – have their own interests and drivers, they may not even be the “people like me” that I’ve previously defined as my Warp & Woof audience. I appreciate why writers often depend on the market to validate their efforts – if it sells, it must have value! My challenge is to discover value outside the commercial sphere. Perhaps it should be outside of me? – rather than inside my mind. No matter how well I might be able to describe what goes on inside me, even into the deepest recesses of my soul, it may not have much value to an outsider. My readers will always be outsiders. So, does my audience even matter? Perhaps self-gratification is the only honest answer to the question, “Why Do I Write?”

But, no, I’m discounting the communication value of writing. Language is, after all, the primary means of communication for all intelligent life – as we define it. Languages translate. So, whatever the language, the thoughts and feelings behind communication are assumed to be universal. By extension, this can even apply to AI – we train those LLMs after all! But I don’t believe I could get a chatbot to write what I’m feeling or thinking any better than I can do myself using a keyboard and some accumulated knowledge of grammar, style, and learned vocabulary. So, whatever the method, whatever the tools, I’m still engaged in a
process of communication — from my mind to an audience (however small). In my imagination, at least, there is some benefit accruing to that audience from my writing. However, I’m not in a position to coerce anybody into being part of my audience – they won’t pay me, and I’m not going to pay them to read me! I can advertise (within reason), but the decision to follow me is up to the reader. Sometimes I think I’d rather not know how many (or few) respond to my invitation.

If I eliminate the prospects for teaching via my writing, that leaves the only benefit to readers being greater understanding through questioning – perhaps “life direction” for my imagined audience. Of course, without feedback from readers, it’s pure guesswork as to whether I am contributing anything to their self-understanding. Ultimately, then, my own
self-satisfaction is what’s left as the most substantive driver. Is my writing good enough to please me? That’s all that matters.

But feel free, dear reader, to contribute any feedback you may have, despite it being only me who will ultimately judge the quality of my writing. It’s this conclusion that has caused me to put those writers’ workshops on hold. I hope I can continue to satisfy my own standards with enough work, enough drafts, to keep publishing Warp & Woof. (I’m not getting any younger!) Stay tuned for further developments. This piece does mark the end of my current list of topics for the blog – my next project will be to come up with new topics for the next few months’ worth of posts. I guess some sort of memorialization of Warp & Woof lies in the future, but not the immediate future.

I’ll see you again in a bit …

— William Sundwick